i'll spit in your face and call it a fucking day

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 07:31:20 GMT

Kay Frances Cunningham
12/24/1934-8/27/09

today, at 10:00 AM, we buried my grandmother.
I was her baby, she always told me that, always told me how handsome I was, and always thought I was a good kid, even though I'm as stubborn as my Father, and his Father, Hugh Paul Cunningham, who I was named after.
She would always tell me how much I reminded her of him, even though he passed 2 years before I was born, I wish I could have met him.
this is the hardest death I've had to deal with.
it definitely takes a toll when you don't believe that she is going to a "better place"
but I do know that she was ready.

today at the cemetery I held myself together pretty well, until I saw my Brother and my Father crying, then I broke.

I posted this here because I know nobody uses livejournal anymore, so nobody will read it. I know how awkward and weird it is to bring up death to people, especially the ones I care about. I wouldn't want to burden them, I just like keeping my problems to myself.
I could keep going on and on about how else I feel, but this is good for now, the screen is getting too blurry.
I need to rest my troubled head.

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 22:46:04 GMT

homesick for the past.
I am longing for the days gone by.

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 22:26:21 GMT

13

that number is my life..

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:03:42 GMT

depression, feels like it's crushing my chest. I just feel like sleeping for days at a time.
I'm breaking my own neck trying to keep my chin up.

thanks

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 07:03:21 GMT

I feel like I'm not good enough for anybody, anymore.

Fri, 29 May 2009 17:28:37 GMT

I hate myself more than I ever let on.

I hate southern accents

Thu, 07 May 2009 00:26:00 GMT

I haven't been on this thing in a while, I'm just really bored.
going to Florida tomorrow, that's exciting, I've never been.

I don't wanna come home.. :/

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:04:34 GMT

how can i make anyone else around me happy, if i can't even make Myself happy?

serious note

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 06:31:16 GMT

i hate that feeling i get in the pit of my stomach.

sometimes it makes me want to be, no more..

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 16:23:26 GMT

about to head to michigan..

Jan 31 2009 I Lounge (Clutch Cargos Basement) Pontiac, Michigan
Feb 4 2009 The Annex Madison, Wisconsin
Feb 5 2009 Black Sheep Cafe Springfield, Illinois
Feb 6 2009 Wesley Hall Jackson, Michigan
Feb 7 2009 Mac’s Bar w/ xTYRANTx Lansing, Michigan
Feb 8 2009 MixTape Cafe (Ex-Skelletones) w/ xTYRANTx Grand Rapids, Michigan
Feb 9 2009 Soundlab Mokena, Illinois
Feb 10 2009 Sunset Hall w/ Recon, & Endwell Ft. Wayne, Indiana
Feb 11 2009 Bulldog Cafe w/ Recon, & Endwell Louisville, Kentucky
Feb 12 2009 Club Octane Charleroi, Pennsylvania
Feb 13 2009 Pirates Cove Cleveland, Ohio

seeya!

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 01:14:57 GMT

I just wanted to be by your side
but I guess I wasn't good enough..

repeat

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 09:22:33 GMT

I know where I want to be
I just don't know where I am..

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 21:01:45 GMT

its weird to think, exactly this time last year, i really enjoyed my life, and was more than content.
im not tryin to say my life went completely down the drain, but in some aspects yeah it did.. hah

but hey, i still have some things goin for me
wait what? clinton thinking positive for once? weird right..

we've lived through days
we've lived through nights
we've had our love
we've had our fights
but you gotta know, you have my heart..

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 06:47:24 GMT

what about me..

on the bird in the cage

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 08:01:14 GMT

the 2nd time ive shed tears around like 100 hardcore kids, is because of this song..

My girl, my girl, tell me why you look so sad…
Has the sun finally set on us?
Have you come to long for another’s hand?
There’s just a feeling inside me that something’s leaving,
Life someone stealing salt from sea,
Let me sinking and left me thinking
How to keep you caged with me

Because I fuckin need you, like air to fuckin breathe
Just to hold you,
O’ I hold you
O’ how I hold you,
I hold you down.

Down with my insecurities,
Down with my hypocrisy,
Down with my pathetic pleas,
Down instead of setting you free
To find your happiness with or without me.

So untie your feet, reattach your wings,
So you don’t have to open your throat to sing

Because it’s you I love, then from you…

I’d walk away.

And your face:
On every leaf
Of every branch
Of every tree.

walk away.. walk away..

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 08:52:14 GMT

so i was just bored on myspace, so i went through all my comments starting when i first made a myspace.

and it was emotional
i cant even count how many times you told me you missed me, and how excited you were to see me..
not only that, but how much everyone has changed, how much IVE changed, it just weirds me out
and i really miss it, i miss every second of it.

the only thing that stays the same, is that everything changes

growing up sucks
growing apart sucks
life sucks
fuck everything

nothing ever changes because everything was meant to fail

maybe

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:46:25 GMT

maybe i shouldnt log in to livejournal anymore, i end up reading things i probably shouldnt.
things that sit in my head for far too long, but then i never get a chance to say anything about, or too scared to ask to find out the truth.

hell its probably for my own good..

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 20:10:26 GMT

I know where I want to be, I just don't know where I am. And I know your face so well, I just don't know where you are.

i know that the tide will turn

Tue, 27 May 2008 04:53:29 GMT

i have reached, a new level of hate..

reality

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 18:29:16 GMT

I can't even begin to explain..

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 06:52:19 GMT

cool ass homeless man in iowa city, when i was there to see converge.
and i almost died on the way there, ive never been so scared for my own life.. i am a pussy.. ahahaha

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 03:06:16 GMT

I never thought I'd know the meaning of these words, or how it felt to hear them back.

porkchop sandwiches

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 06:55:08 GMT

little girl: "whats wrong with his ears?"
ariel: "he's wearing earrings"
little girl: "boys dont wear earrings.."

even little girls at younkers make fun of me.. goddamnit

i'm so broke, like, in debt to people broke. but still i need so many things..
i need to find a job, but i doubt anyone will hire me because i dropped out of school and havent got my ged yet.

i need to go get my transcript and drop slip from my school tomorrow so i can start on my ged, but i have no goddamn ride.. fuck!

i think i post too much on here, that, or i hardly have any friends.. ahaha

"everyone i know is trying really hard to grow and to change, and im not keeping up.."
thats what its like for me^

i need some sacred g..

i hate using the word horny, but its basically the only one that discribes what it means, but i feel that a lot lately.. GOD GOD DAMNIT DAMNIT

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 04:51:09 GMT

i miss this :[

hurry up and count your money before the juggernaut comes.. "OH ITS THE JUGGERNAUT!"

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 11:24:36 GMT

the one thing that still pisses me off more than anything: winter

i just wanna get out of this house so badly that i would do anything for it. and if it was warmer it would be much more likely.

i miss so many things about it being warm outside. so many opportunities to not let a day go to waste, but in winter, its so much easier to let a day go by.
doing silly pointless things like playing pokemon, or playing my guitfiddle, just to pass the time. until another hangout or until another show. it feels like this computer is the source of my life, like, my heart, that keeps my blood pumping. and its sad to say, but at least i can say it goddamnit, shitttttttt.

too many things have been going on inside my head, but when that one person shows up, they tend to go away. so, sorry if i have nothing to say when you ask me.

fuck work, i don't even have a job but still.. fuck it

by the way, i thought about it, and i think i actually do have a hero

basically..

i never thought the day would come where i would be 6 feet tall, or close.. i always thought that was so tall. fucking being dumb and gangly, i need to gain some weight.

my mom always used to call me a worry wart, i think i still am..

p.s. i am sick of masterbating..