Kay Frances Cunningham
12/24/1934-8/27/09

today, at 10:00 AM, we buried my grandmother.
I was her baby, she always told me that, always told me how handsome I was, and always thought I was a good kid, even though I'm as stubborn as my Father, and his Father, Hugh Paul Cunningham, who I was named after.
She would always tell me how much I reminded her of him, even though he passed 2 years before I was born, I wish I could have met him.
this is the hardest death I've had to deal with.
it definitely takes a toll when you don't believe that she is going to a "better place"
but I do know that she was ready.

today at the cemetery I held myself together pretty well, until I saw my Brother and my Father crying, then I broke.



I posted this here because I know nobody uses livejournal anymore, so nobody will read it. I know how awkward and weird it is to bring up death to people, especially the ones I care about. I wouldn't want to burden them, I just like keeping my problems to myself.
I could keep going on and on about how else I feel, but this is good for now, the screen is getting too blurry.
I need to rest my troubled head.

homesick for the past.
I am longing for the days gone by.

13

that number is my life..

depression, feels like it's crushing my chest. I just feel like sleeping for days at a time.
I'm breaking my own neck trying to keep my chin up.

I feel like I'm not good enough for anybody, anymore.

I hate myself more than I ever let on.

I haven't been on this thing in a while, I'm just really bored.
going to Florida tomorrow, that's exciting, I've never been.

I don't wanna come home.. :/

how can i make anyone else around me happy, if i can't even make Myself happy?

i hate that feeling i get in the pit of my stomach.


sometimes it makes me want to be, no more..

about to head to michigan..

Jan 31 2009 I Lounge (Clutch Cargos Basement) Pontiac, Michigan
Feb 4 2009 The Annex Madison, Wisconsin
Feb 5 2009 Black Sheep Cafe Springfield, Illinois
Feb 6 2009 Wesley Hall Jackson, Michigan
Feb 7 2009 Mac’s Bar w/ xTYRANTx Lansing, Michigan
Feb 8 2009 MixTape Cafe (Ex-Skelletones) w/ xTYRANTx Grand Rapids, Michigan
Feb 9 2009 Soundlab Mokena, Illinois
Feb 10 2009 Sunset Hall w/ Recon, & Endwell Ft. Wayne, Indiana
Feb 11 2009 Bulldog Cafe w/ Recon, & Endwell Louisville, Kentucky
Feb 12 2009 Club Octane Charleroi, Pennsylvania
Feb 13 2009 Pirates Cove Cleveland, Ohio

seeya!

I just wanted to be by your side
but I guess I wasn't good enough..

I know where I want to be
I just don't know where I am..

its weird to think, exactly this time last year, i really enjoyed my life, and was more than content.
im not tryin to say my life went completely down the drain, but in some aspects yeah it did.. hah

but hey, i still have some things goin for me
wait what? clinton thinking positive for once? weird right..












we've lived through days
we've lived through nights
we've had our love
we've had our fights
but you gotta know, you have my heart..

what about me..

the 2nd time ive shed tears around like 100 hardcore kids, is because of this song..





My girl, my girl, tell me why you look so sad…
Has the sun finally set on us?
Have you come to long for another’s hand?
There’s just a feeling inside me that something’s leaving,
Life someone stealing salt from sea,
Let me sinking and left me thinking
How to keep you caged with me

Because I fuckin need you, like air to fuckin breathe
Just to hold you,
O’ I hold you
O’ how I hold you,
I hold you down.

Down with my insecurities,
Down with my hypocrisy,
Down with my pathetic pleas,
Down instead of setting you free
To find your happiness with or without me.

So untie your feet, reattach your wings,
So you don’t have to open your throat to sing

Because it’s you I love, then from you…

I’d walk away.

And your face:
On every leaf
Of every branch
Of every tree.


walk away.. walk away..

so i was just bored on myspace, so i went through all my comments starting when i first made a myspace.

and it was emotional
i cant even count how many times you told me you missed me, and how excited you were to see me..
not only that, but how much everyone has changed, how much IVE changed, it just weirds me out
and i really miss it, i miss every second of it.

the only thing that stays the same, is that everything changes



growing up sucks
growing apart sucks
life sucks
fuck everything




nothing ever changes because everything was meant to fail

maybe i shouldnt log in to livejournal anymore, i end up reading things i probably shouldnt.
things that sit in my head for far too long, but then i never get a chance to say anything about, or too scared to ask to find out the truth.


hell its probably for my own good..

I know where I want to be, I just don't know where I am. And I know your face so well, I just don't know where you are.

i have reached, a new level of hate..

I can't even begin to explain..